Dear Diary...
in a sudden th0ught,, i felt the sence 0f guilt r0se up my bl0od cells..felt regret. felt mad. felt sad n at the sayme tyme, felt glad.finally u realised. u realised the hardship ive been thru... h0w hard i tried 2 put things back t0 stand up.. h0w hard i tried 2 find the perfect glue 2 stick back the c0llapsed building i had built t0gether wth u..
bt i failed. failed at tat p0int 0f tyme.. k0z naive is the perfct werd 2 supp0rt b0th 0f us's character. eg0 is the back up. i hated myself f0r my change,.. i blamed myself f0r my insanity. insanity in reality that made u hate me.. i screwed the b0th 0f us up by my 0wn sickening d0ings. called myself _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ n did nt shine f0r u n be there wen u nied me.. th0ught u f0rget all abt me.. bt, everything abt me,, is neutral n fresh in ur brainb0x. sumptimes i ask myself.. h0w stupid am i.. h0w f0olish am i n h0w pathetic am i t0 make the m0st stupidest m0ve... ppl all arnd t0lk abt us. abt me. abt me _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ u.. bt.. never had i blame u fer tthat.. k0rz i n0e.. itz al my f0ult. i shud swall0w the blames and i shuld gulp in the pain. perhapz i g0t the perfect label 0f mine frm ppl.. n i guess i shud shayke 0n it. i mean,, agree 0n it.. ima sweeet-t0lk-m0ther-fucker. i get it. bt i hav 2 tell this. i kn0w wart i say n i mean wart i say. i juzt d0 things with0ut thinkin.. thats my w0rst habbit. bt i t0o cant blayme tat.. k0z i n0e im matured enuff t0 think..
bt.... y n0w??? y n0ww then u realised??? im nt saying its a lil t0o layte bt.. y n0t lastyme??? h0wever. im realie glad u said wart u hav 2 say 0ut. it sumh0w make me feel im appreciaterd. n u said its n0nne 0f 0ur f0ult. the ppl arnd. bringing me beck t0 th0se mem0irs... i duwanaa run away.. i admit. ttz the sweetest part 0f my lyfe. i shared evrything with u.. n s0 d0 u. N0 SECRETS BETWEEN US. Rrmbr..? i n0e u d0.. n u even n0e that im penakut.. haha. u made me giggle.. u saed u miss me n u saed u l0ve me.. tats the sweetest w0rds u can put up fer me. n0netheless. i cant hide it. i admit. ily n imy truckl0ads t0o.. i shud shayke 0n this,, everunyte, i lay my head 0n my pill0w,, i prayed.. i prayed perhaps 0ne day u'll realised.n eventually my wishes came truee, n u did... i felt glad. really glad. n tat m0ring, at 12.34 am, u did the sweetest thing any0ne can d0 t0 me..i hereby t0 say i apppreciate it damnl0t! sumptymes i w0nder.. im blind! t0o blind lyk h0w my mum emphasised 2 me. i cant even differensiate diam0nd n glass.. perhaps,, i shuld put this strait in my mind. NEW FREND ARE SILVER. 0LD FREN ARE G0LD.
n0w.. thats abt it. thank u l0t,.. f0r ur mem0ries..
f0r ur c0urage fr me t0 stand. i l0ve u n will always d0.
ekacyppuc ev0l enihsnus.bye diary.
Dear diariiee..
fuuh,, i diz ting hd never came acr0os my bl00ody mind.. id neber th0ught i wuld be well rec0gnize by der things im in t0. f0r instance h0kie 0r fl0orb0ol..
h0wever,, jan00w,, sum1 smses me.. askin me.. h0kay juz read...
tat sum1-ain, the pasirian c0ach ask me if u interested 2 j0in the club.The pesta sukan t0urn is cumin.
mua-he specificly ask me 0r wart?
tat sum1-yar. he said that tall gerl that tyme hu play..
mua-ala n0t me la. i tink its farah.farah 0s0e tall wart.. i scared later paiseh.
tat sum1- he that time g0t c0me 0ur skul. then just n0w in the m0rning he say that gerl wasnt ther that tyme.
aft tat sum1 say tt,, im a lil c0nvinced its me.. bt nt t0tally larh. bt,, im afraid i'll tr0uble tat sum1 m0rre if i keep askin her t0 c0nvince me tat the c0ach is referin t0 me.. thuss....
mua-ehk, 0h anytink uhk. hu elses in 0ur skul selecterd?
tat sum1-n0 0ne elses. he said if interestd tel him. trg strts aft nati0nal day, i'll tell u m0re details later 0nn..
denn,, i as lyke,, h0kayyhh,,, im rec0gnized by 0thers n n0t my 0wn skul teacher... 0f k0rz la lyk i said wart,, TEACHERS ARE SUCH A PAIN IN DE ASS.. MY ASS!!!!! y teacherssss?? any pr0blem with that!!!??? g0 get sum lyfe h0kayhh,...
0kehh. tats preety abt it.. n 0h yeah,, i l0ike, l0ve, ad0re mua newwww f0ne larrhh.. haha.. let me hint u wart f0ne im referin 2.. u shake the f0ne n de s0ng changes 2 der next 0ne.. cu0ol huh... deariee hunie bun says it suits me al0t k0z gt the running indicat0r f0r sp0rts gerl.. gagaa! i l0ve the f0ne.. bt i l0ve hunbun m0re! haha.. s0rrieee baby f0nie.. hah!
0k0k, enuff 0v my craps,, prawns, squids.. gahh! kk i stp.. perhaps im a lil exciterd tat im actuallie rec0mmended 2 j0in pasirian club.. k0z,, laztyme,, i hav 2 g0 fer h0kie trials in 0rder fer me 2 j0in tat sweet thresians club bt n0 i dun hav 2 g0 er any trialls. haha! wheee!
k,, tatata diariiee!
Dear diariee..
wardever i d0,is nasty in eur eyes. is n0 pr0blem with mine bt its a pr0blem i find..
But thats the way that it g0es and its wart n0b0dy kn0ws and everyday my c0nfusi0n gr0ws..
My Chimed eyes fall as my Words aren't needed.
When discomfort locks you in.
Exposed, upon the rugged carpet,Other voices wondering what's wrong.
But the set of eyes still attached.
The yellow scene trys to become old Runaway..
Fears on the limb of my feet.
My skin becoming loose.
Marks begin to crowd my body.
My heart Is the last thing to get reality.
Mighty red Takes my train of thoughts.
Temperatures rise Sight inside your bite.
Y0U SIGNED ME 0FF AS VULNERABLE.
Words whistle through me like notes in a song.
I try not to judge them and say that they're wrong.
But I find there are feelings I'm scared to express.
Because I don't know what will happen, unless...
I say what I think and mean what I say.
How will life go if I work this new way?
I'm scared of rejection, ridicule and pain
Although keeping it in might drive me insane
It's a risk and a gamble, not really a chore
But a new way of living I long to explore.
my ap0l0gy if my character d0esnt fufill ur requirement.
u think you know me,like you've got me all figured out.
u think you know everything,like you have it all figured out.
Open your eyes,take a look around.
Fact of the matter is,nothing could be further from the truth.
u noe half of who I am,but you haven't figured me out.
u noe half of everything,but you haven't figured it all out.
Open your mind,think for a moment.Fact of the matter is,you're just so blind.
u can't bring method to my madness.u can't bring order to my chaos.
u can't justifty your crimes.You can't forgive your own sins.
u may tear down my walls,but I'll just build them back up.
u can break my spirit,but it will always heal.
u tink I'm trapped in your web,but I'm free as a bird.
u tink I'm twisted around your finger,but I'm straight as an arrow.
The game is over,it ended a long time ago.
u can slam the door,but I've already walked away.
I've spread my wings,I've flown away.
u can go down,but you're not taking me with you.
bt iv i were 2 change,, then it'll nt b the real me.
tat is y,, f0r i made a change i wont see u t0nyte.
